Halloween is my favourite time of year, and for the first time in a few years, I’m going on a night out to celebrate. I have been experimenting with gory special effects make-up for about six years now. I’m absolutely fascinated by wounds, scars and diseased skin! I could Google real life examples for hours. Many people would find that disturbing, but in my head l’m planning how to recreate the textures of rotting flesh and blend colours with my bruise kit. Halloween is truly the time of year when I can fly this particular freak flag and no-one will bat an eyelid. I’m so excited!
I shall be staying over at a friend’s house and we’ll get ready together like old times, so Mr Ponytail has a free pass to game all weekend in his underpants, if he so chooses! My little Hamster usually travels with me in her ‘caravan’ on weekends, but her actual home is a giant rat cage so I think she’ll be fine this time.
Speaking of Rodents… I was posting so much about all the stuff I was doing for my Hamster and basically boring everyone on Facebook to death with pictures and statuses about being obsessed with her, that it actually led to an interesting development. An old friend of mine had two Chinchillas that unfortunately he could no longer take care of, and to cut a long story short, he’d seen my Hamster posts and was quietly hoping that I would take them. I knew precisely bugger all about Chinchillas but I couldn’t possibly refuse. I’ve done lots of research since and have made significant enrichments to their environment.
The best part of the day is letting them out for a run around, (sans cats obviously). I have learned through trial and MAJOR error, to remove all wires and important articles from my room. They are not yet fully comfortable with me, but the female has started sniffing my nose through the bars and had a test nibble to see if I was edible. I hope this means she’s accepting me as another Chinchilla. The male, (neutered, thank Christ!) is super wary and squeals like a piglet when I approach, but he occasionally lets me feed him a strand of hay. So that’s progress.
I love the process of learning their individual personalities, and am fast becoming known as the local rodent woman. I had to physically restrain myself from commenting on a picture of a rescue rat! I’d have inadvertently ended up adopting it.
I’m also pleased that the B12 supplements seem to be kicking in, I’ve got more energy in the day to clean out the animals and properly enjoy them, and while I still indulge in a regular nap, it’s usually because I want one, rather than that horrible crash out feeling like you’re powering down and can’t fight sleep. I have more energy and motivation at the moment to focus on my crafting too.
I bit the bullet and created a selling page, but have yet to sell a single item. This may be because I’m currently only sharing my work with personal friends to guage interest levels, and hopefully will have the confidence soon to branch out to the wider online marketplace. This venture won’t earn me my fortune, but finally in my life I can say I’m doing something I truly enjoy. Not many people can say that about their regular jobs. Besides crafts, writing, and telling awful dad jokes, I don’t really consider myself to be that talented so I feel quite lucky, but still broke.
The more and more I read up about the autistic spectrum, the more I identify with certain female traits, (bear with me, there’s a point – waffling is also a peculiar talent of mine.) My childhood ‘quirks’ make a lot more sense to me in retrospect, if I imagine I was an undiagnosed autistic girl. I have the perfect example. When I was about 8 or 9, my head teacher took me aside and said “Indie, you’re working above your level in maths, would you like to take some extra-curricular classes?” I replied “No, thank you.” He wasn’t pleased and I can’t remember if I went to the classes in the end.
Nothing about this exchange seemed remarkable, except that I found out years later, my Mum was called into the school and was told that I had an attitude problem because I refused to participate. Now I don’t know about most people, but if someone asks me a question with a yes or no answer, I’m going to be honest with them. I hated maths so it was all incredibly confusing to believe that I actually had a choice, when really he wanted me to comply with his authority.
Anyway, the point to this story is, that since then I have learned that sometimes ‘yes or no?’ means ‘definitely yes’, and sometimes ‘I’m fine’ means ‘I’m not fine but don’t really want you to ask’. I am able to decipher the rules of society through intense study and reading, not being naturally gifted at knowing the right things to say at the right times. And still spectacularly putting my foot in it occasionally.
Now to bring this back to crafting, I think that’s where my insecurities and anxieties lie. I completely over-analyse and second guess all potential reactions to my work until it bothers me so much that I don’t even try to put myself out there. This is why I don’t have a ‘proper’ job. This is why I am happiest creating a mess in my attic and going for days without having a proper conversation with anyone. This is why I exhaust myself thinking about all the what ifs, psyching myself up for social interactions and being in a mild state of panic if events go off script. This is why it has been a HUGE deal to me to get my craft page up and running. I just hope I don’t let myself down, or the people who said I could do it.
This is also why I have an anonymous blog, so I can waffle to my heart’s content and it’s of little consequence whether or not anyone actually reads it. I’m here and I’m creating. I’m proud of myself.
P.S. The post is called ‘brain dump’ because that’s my interim title until I usually find a theme in the post after which to name it, but this is what it is. So it stays.